My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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