keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
