I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
