I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
