could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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