i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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