I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
