He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
