Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
