its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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