Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize