If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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