Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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