Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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