Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
