I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
