Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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