And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
