Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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