Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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