Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
