just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
