i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
