Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
