I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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