Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
