There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
