2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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