im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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