oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
