It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
