We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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