Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
