So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
