I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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