i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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