At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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