Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
