How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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