you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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