watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
