have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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