im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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