They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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