Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize