i'm signing you up for texting rehab
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
