i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
