my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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