I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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