Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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