The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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