never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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