Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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