Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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