The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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