ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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