Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
