Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
