She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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