how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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