I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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