nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
