Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
