If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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