DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
