if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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