The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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