if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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