I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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