I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
