Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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