no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
