my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
