i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
