Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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