too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
