We won't sleep together?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
