I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
