Welp...herpes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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