When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
