If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
