I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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