Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
