She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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