i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I want to fling myself into the sun
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
