I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
