A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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