make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
