I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
