why do cheetos always look like penises
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
