I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
