Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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