she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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