Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
