glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
