Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
