You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
