If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
