id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize