i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
