Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
