Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
