i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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