So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
