Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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