you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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