I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize