you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
