thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
