i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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