I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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