If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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