Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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