It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
