..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
