Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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