Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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