and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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